


Breaking Down Walls

by juguitos



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Past Child Abuse, ballum - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-01-27 14:16:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21393544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juguitos/pseuds/juguitos
Summary: based on the tumblr prompt"Imagine your OTP exploring each others’ bodies, but not in a sexual way. Finding their different birthmarks, looking over each others’ scars and sharing the stories behind them, running their hands over one another and just appreciating the feeling of the other person next to them."
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 9
Kudos: 218





	1. Callum

**Author's Note:**

> title comes from the song "breaking down walls" by categories  
I will mark the beginning and end of the scene where i go into slight detail of the abuse callum goes through

The touches are soft. Ben and Callum are laying on their bed, legs intertwined, hands roaming up and down their bodies, breathing in slowly and carefree. Ben’s fingers caress the scars on Callum’s forehead, a soft smile spreading across his face.

“Were you a rebellious kid, who just kept scratching at these?”

A smile tugs at Callum’s lips, his cheeks flushing. His mind taking him back, remembering all those oatmeal baths his mom used to run for him to soothe the itchiness of the pox.

Callum’s hand goes to his forehead, lightly scratching at the left over scars.

“See what I mean? Stop that!” Ben lightly smacks Callum’s hand away, a smile tugging at his lips.

“Yeah, I used to find odd ways to scratch at them. Like, I used to be rubbing my head against the pillow. Me mum, had to be around me all the time.”

Ben leans up, and kisses each one of the scars.

Ben’s fingers caress the scar at Callum’s temple. Leaning forward and pressing a kiss against the soft hairs.

“What happened here?” His voice is all too soft, his eyes searching Callum's face.

“One night…one night Stuart was gonna pick me up to go to the cinema, I was real excited about it, just…buzzing, ya know? I was a kid telling everyone my big brother was taking me to watch a movie and me dad…he was messed up Ben."

There’s a pained expression on bens face, as he kneels before Callum, gently prodding at the scarred skin.

“What did he do?”

Callum takes a deep breath, reaching his hand out and holding on to Ben’s fingers.

“I was coming back from Mick’s, cos Mrs. C didn’t want me going to the movies in messed up clothes and she was giving me some of the clothes Lee had “grown out” of…” Callum zones out for a moment, a faint smile spreading in his face, “I know that weren’t the case cos some of them still had the tags on them. New clothes…” he shakes his head, trying to get himself back into the moment.

He clicks his tongue, eyes roaming down Ben’s face “When I got back home, me dad was smashed, saying I had stolen the clothes and he…he beat me up" Callum takes a deep shuddering breath “I don’t remember, just remember waking up in the A & E, and Stu next to me, holding my hand telling me it was all gonna be okay. I had stitches on the side of me head, Lee was jealous."

They share a soft laugh, Ben once again reaching out and moving some of the hairs, “Always thought you was just having a bad hair day.”

Callum barks out a laugh, cupping Ben’s face in between his hands and pressing a kiss against his lips, “nah, of course not, it just looks weird, don’t it?”

“Looks sexy if you ask me" Ben’s eyes map out the rest of Callum’s face, he reaches out and his finger caresses the little mole near Callum’s eyebrow, he slides it down his cheek, and gently presses at the scar that was left when Ben accidentally punched him on his stag do.

“Sorry about this one” he leans up, and presses a chaste kiss on Callum’s bottom lip.

"It _was_ an accident though, I tried to tell ya, but ya punched me!"

Callum just lets out a soft laugh, connecting their lips for a second, before he feels Ben’s hands begin to go down his chest.

Ben’s hand rakes down Callum’s side, his fingertips gently going over the scar on his abdomen, Callum’s breath hitches at the soft touch, the wound might be completely healed, but everything else about it still hurt him. Callum’s mind wanders to that dreadful day, he still remembers everything about it, and he wouldn’t be able to forget it, no matter how hard he tried.

"Ben— "

"No, Cal, it's okay."

Callum inhales deeply, letting out the air in a shaky exhale. 

“You were— **_are_** so brave, Callum” Ben leans into Callum, their lips connecting once again, and moving against each other tenderly and slow. They part their lips, breathing into each other, their foreheads pressing together.

Ben’s eyes travel to Callum’s shoulder, even in the dimly lit room, he can see the start of the nasty scar.

“Let me see it” he whispers into Callum’s ear.

Callum takes a deep breath but complies, lying on his stomach, just waiting. Ben’s fingers run down the huge scar that starts at the base of Callum’s shoulder and ends in the middle of his back.

“You’ve never really told me how this one happened. Was it also from the Army?” he asks as he presses a kiss to Callum’s shoulder blade.

*******

“No, it was Jonn—my dad” Callum whispers back, his mind taking him back, he takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. Ben doesn’t say anything, waiting for Callum to continue.

“He was drunk one day, like completely smashed, and he started picking on me. Calling me all sorts nasty names because he saw me walking with me mate, we were holding hands. I was just eight years old, Ben.” He takes in another deep breath. “He dragged me inside the house, slammed me against the wall. He was screaming at me, just pushing me around. Next thing I knew, his belt was off and he was just… ya know, hitting me. I turned to cover my face and then—”

Ben’s eyes are stinging, he was angry, he knew this kind of life.

“Cal—“

“No, its fine Ben” Callum’s face turns to Ben, a soft smile spreading across his face “ I don’t remember how many times he hit me, but long enough for skin to break. Stu had to rescue me from him. He knocked him out. He ended up taking me to the hospital, he did.” Callum takes another deep breath and leans into Ben’s touch, who is wiping the tears from his face.

“It’s why he says I’m always waiting for Stu to rescue me.”

*******

“Cal, you were eight.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, but he didn’t—doesn’t care.”

Callum notices the tears on Ben’s face, turning his own body enough to be able cup Ben’s face in his hands.

“Ben, its fine, I’m fine” he leans into Ben once again, placing a chaste kiss to Ben’s lips. Ben pushes Callum to his back, and straddles his hips, dipping his head and pressing his lips against Callum’s soft lips. There are tears streaming down Ben’s face,

“Wish I coulda been there for you Cal”

Callum just smiles at that, pulling him to his chest, kissing the top of his head.

“Ben, you woulda been three, nothing you could have done.” He laughs, running his hands up and down Ben’s back. Ben just lays there, head firmly pressed on Callum’s chest, the only thing Callum can hear, is their breathing and Ben’s quiet sobs.


	2. Ben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this whole chapter is dedicated to callum learning all about ben's many many scars

Callum is running his hands up and down Ben’s back, soothing him. Placing small kisses on top of his head. His hands stop at the feel of a slight dip in Ben’s back.

“What happened here?”

Ben sits back up on Callum’s thighs.

“Happened when I was inside…I think”

Callum’s cocks his head to the side _think._

“Ya think? Ben wha—“

“Cal, ya know my life aint been that sweet” Ben starts, his hand going to the scar that Callum was referring to.

Callum stares at him intently, his hand still gently brushing against the scar.

“Alright, alright, it _did_ happen when I was inside, after Heather. Gave lip to some guy and when I started walking away he stabbed me in the back like the coward he was. Was in the infirmary for like two weeks.”

Ben grabs Callum’s hand and brings it to his lips, placing a chaste kiss on the palm of his hand. Ben is blushing.

Callum’s hands roam down Ben’s body, he’s got both hands on each side of Ben’s hips, rubbing small circles, until he feels something protruding from Ben’s hip.

He stares at Ben a questionable look on his face.

“Can’t actually pinpoint where that came from. Honestly babe, I’ve been kicked so many times I can’t think to when it coulda happened” Ben shrugs at that, not really wanting to spoil the mood by telling Callum the person who fractured his hipbone was Stuart.

“Is that why you walk a little funny?” Callum teases at Ben, still rubbing at his hipbone.

“Well that and there’s this bloke I’m seeing, he’s got a massive” Ben gestures a width with his hands at Callum “and he leaves me weak in the knees” he wiggles his brows at Callum, a mischievous grin on his face.

“Does it hurt?” Callum asks a serious tone on his voice.

“Like I said, there’s this bloke I’m messing around with, whose got a massive cock and –“

“Ben.”

“Just a lil bit…when ya know” Ben ducks his head, a blush spreading across his face and down his neck. Ben was feeling vulnerable, exposed, like an open book and the scars all over his body where the chapters of his life.

“Ben, I’m sorry…” Callum starts, thinking back to all those times they’ve been together and Ben could’ve been in pain, and not the pleasurable kind.

Callum pulls Ben’s face to his, kissing him softly. They pull apart, their foreheads resting against each other, a wide smile spread across Ben’s face.

Callum gently flips them over, Ben on his back now, and he gets in between his legs, peppering small kisses from Ben’s thighs and he’s slowly going up. He goes back to Ben’s hip, and plants a gentle kiss there.

Callum’s on his knees, looking down at Ben, whose chest is rising up and down slowly, that smile never leaving his face.

Callum’s fingers travel from Ben’s navel, landing on a scar on Ben’s chest. Its 5 crescent moon shaped scars, forming a small circle.

“Ben?”

Ben has completely stilled, his breathing going shallow, memories flooding his mind, another thing he always tried to forget.

“Ben.” It’s near a whisper.

“It was Stella. Phil’s ex- fiancé. She was dating Phil when I was a kid, and I didn’t like her. Didn’t want her to be my mum. And she just kept hurting me all that time.”

Ben takes a deep breath.

“She also did this” he turns his right hand to Callum, who now sees faint marks on Ben’s fingers “she burnt me with a spoon.”

Callum takes Ben’s hand in his, soothing the smooth skin, placing a kiss to Ben’s hand.

“Er—on the wedding day I didn’t want to go into the ceremony, and she threatened to kill me and then she pushed me up against a door, and clawed at me, her pointy nails really digging in there…like she wanted to rip me heart out.”

Ben takes a shallow breath.

“Stop Ben, I don’t---can’t hear it anymore. I’m sorry”

Ben cups Callum face, his thumb rubbing at his cheek, running down his face and brushing against Callum’s bottom lip.

Callum’s hands roam up and down Ben’s arms, he feels another scar on Ben’s right bicep, not the biggest scar Ben has but he still questions the scar silently.

Ben’s left hand goes to cover Callum’s own, his bottom lip trembling. Ben’s grip on Callum’s hand tightens a bit.

“Its when Paul and I—when Paul” Ben takes a deep breath, a shaky exhale released from his lips.

Callum grabs Ben’s left hand, knowing well that the scar that hurt Ben the most was Paul’s. He brought it near his lips, stroking the ring with his thumb and he pressed his lips against the ring.

“It’s okay Ben”

“Yeah, I think it is Cal”

Callum once again, takes Ben’s hand in his own. He keeps kissing his hands, there’s nothing else he can really do. That’s all in their past now.

Ben pulls their hands to his chest again, making Callum acknowledge the scar he didn’t want to.

It still felt too soon for Callum.

“You want the story for this gnarly one I have got here?” Ben asks, trying to lighten the mood.

“Ben—“

“Right, I got shot. Can you believe that? Like right after I got in a fight with Keanu, my sister’s idiot boyfriend…fiancé, I don’t know what he is to her, if I’m completely honest.”

Callum takes a deep breath then, he feels like he’s running out of air. The memory still too raw in his mind.

“But like, I wasn’t even meant to be there? But I followed this bloke, who looked so fit in his wedding suit cause HIS jilted ex-fiancé was gonna out him to the Vic. That he was going behind her back shagging blokes left and right—“

“It was once. And it was only you Ben”

Ben winks at Callum.

“But ya know what Callum? I wouldn’t change anything about that day.”

Callum leans down, pressing kisses along the scar, he ends up resting his forehead against Ben’s chest, a sob escaping his lips.

“I really thought I was gonna lose you that day Ben” he says so low that Ben almost doesn’t hear it.

“But you didn’t, I’m here, with you, together.” Ben pulls Callum up to his face, pressing his lips against Callum’s.

“Yeah” is all Callum can say in between the kisses that Ben is giving him.

This close Callum can see all the faint scars that are spread across Ben’s face. But he can also see his freckles. How they scatter across his face like constellations in the night sky. He peppers kisses all around Ben’s face. He goes back to Ben’s lips, kissing him soft and slowly but surely deepening the kiss.

Callum moves himself back to his side of the bed, pulling Ben close to his chest, pressing kisses against his neck and earlobe.

“Ya never told me you had a piercing”

“You spend all your time kissing and nibbling my ear and you never noticed? Honestly Cal, I don’t know if we are gonna work out.” Ben teases and turns his body in Callum’s arms, pressing a kiss to his lips and trailing down his neck, biting and nibbling at his collarbone.

Callum stifles a laugh and brings Ben close to his chest, placing his head a top of Ben’s breathing in his own shampoo on Ben’s hair. Ben closes his eyes, and begins to slowly drift off, when he feels something deep inside of him, a feeling he hadn’t felt in a long while. They’re just lying there in their bed, Callum running his hands up and down Ben’s back, feeling like he understood Ben more.

“We’ve never really done this before, have we?” Callum asks into the silence.

Ben lifts his head slightly away from Callum’s chest.

“What?”

“Ya know, just lay here holding each other”

Ben nuzzles against Callum’s chest, that deep burning feeling coming back to him.

Ben pushed Callum on his back, throwing his leg over Callum and straddling him.

“As much as I like this, can’t help but want to change that” he says as he leans down and presses a searing kiss against Callum’s lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, there might be another chapter coming, or a second part to this idk.
> 
> but thank you to everyone who read this, who gave it kudos and all that, i really enjoyed writing this.

**Author's Note:**

> took a little liberty on this, hope you guys enjoyed and i will be posting the second part to this soon
> 
> lmk what you guys think


End file.
